just want to get there

I always say, "If I knew it was going to be this hard, I would have started sooner." Or picked a different career path... Every day is a bit hard for me when I'm in school. I seriously had no idea how competitive and intense it would be trying to get into a nursing program. Since I'm not entirely too sure about what I would be doing at this particular junction in my life, I guess I can't complain and nursing is as good a job as any.

I try my hardest not listen to anyone and just keep moving forward. Lately it seems like I'm having a tough time saying that this is what I was put on this earth to do because each day is such a fucking challenge. Most days I question myself as to whether or not I want to continue down this road and whether or not I have enough gas left in the tank that is my life to keep it in gear. I don't believe I'm different than everyone else but I can't help but think even if for a split second, "Is everyone else having as much trouble or experience as much self-doubt as I do?" If so, how the hell do they keep going on?...

Well, I'm hoping that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I hope somewhere there is a nursing program especially for me. Where I won't need just one more class, or have to put my life on hold for ten years while all I really want to do is just keep living. Its like that dream that I always have where I'm running and trying to get to my destination but I just can't. All I want to do is stop running and only wake up.