let's move

Only in Los Angeles does one wake up to a Thanksgiving morning and the sun is shining and the temperature is already 70 degrees outside. I guess I should be thankful for that, but as everyone in my life already knows, I would really be more appreciative if there was a chill in the air and some snow on the ground. Oh well. A day above ground is a good day, I guess.

So I wake up and start the day with an email check, a facebook check, and airfare check to see where I could go if I only had a job and $500 bucks in the bank to buy that airfare. Stockholm for $664? 0r should I stick with a Germany trip which probably will be about the same? How about just anywhere with snow and good food and lots of warm fruity alcohol drinks to keep me toasty? Let's do that.

I have an affinity for traveling alone. In fact, I prefer it. I can sleep as late as I want. Walk wherever I want to and change my mind as often as I feel like it. Give me a camera, or two or three and I really won't need anyone else around. In fact, that's what I want most. Just a camera and a plane ticket and I'll figure the rest out when I get there. A laptop to process and upload and I'm happy as a pig in... well, you know.

Unfortunately my traveling bones will be on the backburner for a while. At least until the spring time since I have a winter intercession class to torture my brain even further. And then a leather work class that I am most looking forward to and will rock at it since I'm dying for a creative outlet. Anything stimulating that takes me out of the boundaries of this blog, the book in my hands and the television set.

It doesn't feel like Thanksgiving, but just another 75 degrees and sunny here in Los Angeles.

the way it was

Lately, I can't help but wonder what exactly has become of me and where my life seems to be headed. When I first set out to conquer adulthood, I was very sure of myself, knew what I wanted from life and where I I wanted to go. Now it seems, like the older I get, the confidence I once had in myself and the faith that I had in my aspirations has been turned inside out and upside down. How the fuck? How the fuck did I go from loving foreign languages, Russian literature and only European actresses with strange gutteral first names to being a science wannabe?

Of course, self doubt is a natural emotion but one would hope that the older one gets, the more secure a person becomes with themselves. Some days when things are especially hard and concepts are so mindblowing I can't even read the textbook pages, I wish I could just go back. Back to working on my German and doing whatever it takes to get back across the Atlantic and to anywhere that wasn't here. How did I go from inhaling everything Swedish, German, Austrian or Swiss to being in a damned physiology classroom?

I guess its too late and I have to finish what I started this time. Stay the course.

new reads

I had to turn in that fucking copy of "The Wolves of The Calla" back to the PCC library because I could never remember to renew it online. Yeah, so I've probably racked up the cost of the book in late fees so back it went. In between the break from when I order a copy and when it arrives, I started "Garbo and Gilbert in Love" which is a fictional love story between? Garbo and Gilbert.

I was a bit over it when I found out that it wasn't a biography of them and the movies they made and the short time when they actually were "in love." Its more of a "what if" and "this is probably what happened" sort of read and I'm okay with it. Some of the things are a bit off on the Garbo side, in my humble opinion but I think the author dude totally nailed Jack Gilbert. I can really see some of that stuff happening with old John.

The more I think about it, I can't help but think what a shame it all was that these two lovelies weren't able to make a love story out of it in real life. Instead it seemed to crash and burn, as it usually does when the whoring, needy drunk actually falls in love but with the Ice Queen who has already has been through so much, her self preservation comes before mushy feelings and anything else. You gotta love these two crazies more than any of this new Hollywood bullshit. Fuck it. Hollywood isn't even Hollywood anymore. Not to me.

How to make it right? You probably couldn't but maybe it would have been better and the love would have had a chance if GG was in Sweden. Jack didn't think of that. You should have taken her back to Stockholm, John and she would have been yours. A little snow, a little native language and some family might have saved Greta and the frozen heart. And in turn, might have saved Jack from that bottle and a young death.

Certainly will be writing more about this...

rambler gothic

Feeling inspired by Those Poor Bastards, after more than a month, I have decided to blog for a few minutes. Since no one reads this fucking shit except for me, who gives a crap that its been such a long time since I've last written.

I've been to Vegas, gotten drunk, seen Jimmie Johnson win too many fucking Nascar races and done way too much studying. I'm ready to travel again. I miss Montana. I should have become a trucker. Just me and the lonesome road. I miss the snow that would be a foot deep outside of my Montana home since I'm not much of a shoveler and November is half over. I miss WEATHER and the bare branches and the winds that would toss snowflakes on each wispy breath Mother Nature exhaled from her sweet lips!

How am I going to get through this semester when everything I do and think about revolves around getting out from under the textbooks and computer to get back to living?! I want to go to Phoenix, drive back to Montana, see Las Vegas in the winter and absorb the scenery from my driver's side window as I pass through each town. What about Phoenix and the smell of the sage and wet desert at night? Yeah, I could use some of that right now. The God filled skies of Idaho through an infrared lens? Need it.

Well, lucky for myself and my furry little Banjo Eyes, he rides well in the car and I have friends and family in all four corners of these United States. Mom is in Arizona, best neighbor ever is in Montana and the sweetest girl in the world calls Indiana her home. An oil change and and fill up should get me somewhere half way between here and there.

worst blogger and shopper ever

I've been getting my ass kicked nonstop and have felt less than inspired to write. And when I'm driving down the street and an idea strikes me as being blog-worthy, lo and behold, when I sit down, the thought has completely escaped me. It must be all of the brain cells that I've been devoting to m classes. I'm burned out.

Needless to say, I'm not exactly inspired to write, just pissed off. I tried to go shopping yesterday but was utterly annoyed and turned off by just about everything I saw in the stores and shops. Lots of bad pleather, polyester and cheap silkscreening. I can't stand fake leather. I imagine that it would a whole lot worse for the environment since it doesn't last and probably takes a bunch of chemicals to produce. Blech.

I also did my hair tonight!! I went safe and chose a color from my trusty Clairol Natural Instincts collection that has never let me down. My hair is soft and shiny and will have lots of red when I'm in the sun.

Now, a wind-down with my favorite German family from "The Damned," The Essenbecks.