long and lost

The worst part about getting older is having memories. At least I think so, the good ones can never be topped or duplicated and the bad ones just hang around and never go anywhere. How perfect it is that they linger and sometimes intensify as you think about what you've lost and how things could have been.

If life and the universe didn't intervene by giving me small boobs, no ass and a full brain, I probably should have been married with babies five times over by now. And whatever happened to Marco? Why do I still think about him even though I will never see him again. Its those fucking memories. The ones that are your first loves, the first rushes of heat, excitement and panic that are branded in your memory forever. Yeah, without a doubt its perfect that I didn't give my entire life and vagina to a fucking waiter with bad teeth (but perfect ass) that liked to drink beer. Well, I can't complain about but the beer part. Looking back with an old maid's wisdom, I know damn well now that he KNEW that I was crushed on him and I'm pretty sure he loved it. However, what he had in ass, he definitely lacked in balls. Horribly so, he flirted openly with other, let's just say, "fuller" girls as he knew how much I thought of him.

What I remember most is the anticipation of a work night scheduled when I knew he would be there. I looked forward to going to work, getting dressed and being around him. I still remember, he worked "D" room and his shift started at 6:00 p.m. When I started at 5:00, I would wait for that time to roll around when I knew he would be coming in.

The worst part, the worst part, is that if I were to see him today and he still looked remotely the same (maybe with fixed teeth) I would melt all over again for this Mexican construction worker/waiter 15 years my senior. In some desperate attempt to recapture youth but only with bigger boobs and better makeup. Its like that hurricane that sucks you in as it rewinds time but the winds aren't touching you as you're transported almost a decade and half back and the heat is rising up within you again. Stupid love. Stupid hormones. Stupid heart.