the way it was

Lately, I can't help but wonder what exactly has become of me and where my life seems to be headed. When I first set out to conquer adulthood, I was very sure of myself, knew what I wanted from life and where I I wanted to go. Now it seems, like the older I get, the confidence I once had in myself and the faith that I had in my aspirations has been turned inside out and upside down. How the fuck? How the fuck did I go from loving foreign languages, Russian literature and only European actresses with strange gutteral first names to being a science wannabe?

Of course, self doubt is a natural emotion but one would hope that the older one gets, the more secure a person becomes with themselves. Some days when things are especially hard and concepts are so mindblowing I can't even read the textbook pages, I wish I could just go back. Back to working on my German and doing whatever it takes to get back across the Atlantic and to anywhere that wasn't here. How did I go from inhaling everything Swedish, German, Austrian or Swiss to being in a damned physiology classroom?

I guess its too late and I have to finish what I started this time. Stay the course.