just tired

I'm not really sure how much longer I can do this school thing. At least with the math and science and moving forward with nursing. I normally try not to write about what's going on in school because I want to keep my life in nice, neat compartments. I don't like my food to touch, and I really don't like different aspects of my life spilling over into other activities. Since school at this particular juncture of my academic career is not especially joyful, I try not to think about it when I don't have to. And I certainly don't want to write about it when I'm trying to remain upbeat and positive about being in a situation that feels like its never going to end.

Unfortunately, school and this fucking physiology class are pushing me to the brink. The peas are in the cranberry sauce and I'm not really liking it. I have NEVER been more stressed in my life. You see, if I don't pass this class right here and now with at least a C grade, my whole life gets put on hold and I am screwed for another year. I can't wait anymore but I hate feeling as if my whole existence depends on one class. I am stressed to the point where I can't even get one concept straight in my head because I'm already freaking out about the forty other concepts I have to learn before three weeks are up and its time to test again.

I know its a roller coaster ride and I have to hang on, but at what expense? My health? My sanity? My self-worth and self-esteem? At the same time, if I don't do this and make it through, how do I look at myself in the mirror every day?