flashback

Normally I only talk about this stuff with Ed or Emily and these trips down memory lane really piss me off. After watching "Intervention" tonight I felt like I could have killed eveyone on screen and it really would have been much like taking out my own family for the very same faults.

What I remember most about living with my brother and his drug addiction was my mother's denial. When that happened it meant that she turned her eyes away from what was so clear to me,it meant that she was putting my brother above everyone else in our family including herself. It meant that his ability to get high, not contribute to his family and deal drugs was more important.

Who do I blame? Should I blame my mother for allowing him to live that kind of lifestyle without any type of consequence? Should I blame my father for being an alcoholic and drinking every night of his life for the almost twenty years that I lived at home? I definitely don't blame myself for jumping ship when my parents lost their home and we ended living in a motel. I wanted out and that was the catalyst for sure. No motel for me, thank you very much.

Even after he got arrested, forced sobriety was the only way he got well. If it weren't for incarceration, he would still be going on the same way. Sober or high, he remained a selfish asshole. Remind me to tell you about the time he left me during the middle of a move into a new house because I asked him to be careful loading my boxes into the truck. I think that one is worthy of its own special entry. Oh well, blame it on the heroin, I guess.

For me, the Intervention episode was a flashback to constant arguments, sleepless nights and a double life. The life I led at home wasthe life that I hid from everyone else that resided outside of that old Woodlawn address. Is it true that you can never go home? For me, I don't want to go home. I'm far too busy creating a new one.